Automated spammers – “spambots” – on Twitter are a royal pain in the arse.
They descend like vultures on the most popular topics of discussion, swamping them with ad-filled nonsense and making meaningful searches impossible.
But what if those same Twitter spambots were reprogrammed to work for good, not evil?
I had a taste of this yesterday.
Minutes after I’d retweeted a message containing the word “depressed”, I got this @reply:

It turns out @thehappy365 is a cheery spambot, programmed to spot gloomy words in other Twitter users’ tweets, and automatically fire off a jovial “hey, chin up!” reply to them.
I had to admit this idea was cute. And – strangely – I also had to admit the “big hug” message had made me just the tiniest bit happier.
Did this make me a freak? Or are other people equally susceptible to this kind of thing?
Of course, the genius of Twitter is that we never need to hypothesise: the evidence is out there, searchable. So I did a spot of research, scanning recent replies to @thehappy365. How did random strangers react when the (ahem) “Happy Monster” suggested they “put away the sad face and have some chocolate”? Or “turn that frown upside down”?
I found nine types of response.
1. Grateful



2. Really grateful





3. Pensive




4. Pessimistic




5. Aggrieved



6. Admonishing



7. Irate



8. Abusive / Threatening




9. Obscene


Truly, as they used to say, all human life is here.
Hearteningly, though, of all nine categories the second (genuinely chuffed) was by far the most prevalent – I only have space to include a snapshot of those replies here. There were dozens. It was difficult to judge how much sarcasm was involved, but my sense was: not much.
My conclusion – perhaps you can generate true happiness, however shortlived and trivial, via tiny, automated random acts of kindness like this.
And in truth, a computer script is probably better positioned than a warm-blooded human (or even monster) to take the knockbacks from those who respond less than positively.
But there’s a postscript.
Half an hour after I started writing this, I spotted the following tweet from the Happy Monster.

It appears the bot chooses one lucky individual, at a regular interval of six hours, to receive a perfume ad.
Oh, man. This changes everything.
What if this whole endeavour is simply an attempt to analyse how well – or badly – a selection of individual “cheer up” phrases are received by a random selection of humans? So someone somewhere can ensure goods and services can be flogged to the miserable with laser-guided precision?
Say it’s not so, Happy Monster. You had my trust… for an internet minute.


