Monthly Archives: March 2010

Ke$ha, South Yorkshire and keyboard usability

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I gushed too much about Ke$ha’s debut single last year to write more of the same about her follow-up, Blah Blah Blah.

Except that – against all odds – it really reminds me of an early 90s clubbing classic from my Sheffield days.

I pose the question… Could the doyenne of “I’m a drunk mess” pop have once been a regular at Occasions nightclub, behind the BT offices in Charter Square? It was, after all, the home of the bleep scene.

(Reality check: She would have been five years old at the time. So probably not.)

Here’s Ke$ha’s new, erm, masterpiece.

And here’s that early 90s clubbing classic, Testone by Sweet Exorcist – one of the first releases on Sheffield’s seminal Warp label. Can you spot the similarity?

Sweet Exorcist was Richard H Kirk (Cabaret Voltaire) and Parrot (later of All Seeing I); its video was directed by none other than Jarvis Cocker.

As noted here, the Blah Blah Blah video makes prominent use of Nokia’s X6 handset. Presumably Nokia have paid for this, given the enormous size of their logo on the phone.

Is it just me, though, or is Ke$ha really struggling with that on-screen keyboard? At 0:51, all she’s trying to type is repeated exclamation marks, but even that seems to be a tricky, hesitant process, with the very real danger at all times that she might hit the backslash key instead.

And at 0:23 – well, I would never have imagined texting What a mega douche MASTER!!!!!!!! could look so awkward and unergonomic.

Maybe she could release a branded stylus?

(NB – This isn’t one of the music production posts which I so blithely promised yesterday would be “next” on this blog. They’ll be, erm, next.)

Warning: I am going to bore you with pop

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I love hearing photographers talking about their work, and the technical choices that went into making it.

One of the main reasons I love it is this: I know absolutely nothing about photography.

I know what I like (pretty much), but I couldn’t even start to identify why one use of lenses, or exposure, or f-thingy is different from another. I am a photo dunce.

My understanding of music is very different.

I don’t mean music composition – I almost failed my music O-level, and never ascended beyond the dizzy heights of Grade 1 theory.

But music production, I get. I know the tricks, I understand the techniques – I can immediately see how it all hangs together and why. Where records are concerned, I’m like that irritating Dad in the art gallery, lecturing his kids on exactly how Picasso layered his paints to make the vanishing point a bit more pointillesque. (NB: I know as much about painting as I do photography.)

You might think this would be enough to spoil my enjoyment of pop music. Interestingly, this isn’t the case.

However, via the wonders of my blog, it is enough for me to spoil your enjoyment of pop music.

Because over the next few posts I’m going to talk about a small number of pop records – actually, about bits of a small number of pop records – in the kind of forensic detail men normally reserve for car engines and power drills.

Why have I decided this now? Well, I’ve been inspired by today’s Twitter hashtag #dynamicrangeday.

It flags up an event designed to highlight the unpleasant but undeniable fact that commercially available music has (for years now) been losing its volume peaks and troughs. The quiet bits, in other words, are getting noisier until they’re pretty much identical, volume-wise, to the supposedly louder bits. It’s a process that’s been dubbed the Loudness Wars.

Like many other creeping changes to the world, few people are conscious of it, realise why it’s happening, or understand why they should be bothered. In a future post I hope to put your mind at rest on all of these factors, and much much more. Whether you like it or not.

If you’re interested in finding out more about the Loudness Wars in the meantime, you might want to listen to this short radio feature from America’s NPR.

MS Outlook vs Inbox Zero: There can only be one winner

For a few months now I’ve been an evangelist for the Inbox Zero philosophy.

Inbox Zero is all about keeping your inbox clear by dealing with e-mail quickly and – above all – efficiently.

One of the key lessons I’ve learned along the way is probably one of the simplest: to avoid e-mail clutter, make sure nothing redundant gets into your inbox in the first place.

That hotel mailing list you signed up for by accident? Those offers you get sent every week by that e-tailer you used a year ago? Don’t delete each one by hand – instead, take a moment to unsubscribe once and for all.

So far, so good. But the real power in attaining e-mail Zen can be found in filters – or as MS Outlook calls them, rules.

At work I belong to dozens of distribution lists. Some are 100% useful. Some are partly useful but need human intervention to sort the wheat from the chaff. Rules can’t help with those.

There are several d-lists, however, which regularly send me messages of a predictable nature which will never be relevant to me. And given enough predictability, even a dumb old computer can figure out what’s important (i.e. needs to land in my inbox) versus what isn’t (i.e. needs sticking into a folder, or just deleting altogether so it never troubles me).

Over the last few weeks I’ve slowly been accumulating these automated rules.

Some are simple (if an e-mail arrives with subject line “x”, delete it immediately). Some are more complicated (if an e-mail arrives from address “y” whose subject isn’t “z”, forward it to a chosen person, move it to a selected folder and mark it as read).

The result is that my work inbox has been gradually, perceptibly quietening down. The important stuff is still there, clear as day. But the noise is receding.

Sometimes there’s a curveball which means I have to fine-tune my filters. Maybe person B has sent out an irrelevant e-mail which person A normally sends out. No problem – just edit the appropriate rule accordingly.

This process has continued to the point where – as of this morning – I had 27 rules diligently working away on my inbox, around the clock.

Today, I tried to add the 28th. And got this message from Outlook:

One or more rules could not be uploaded to Exchange Server and have been deactivated. This could be because some of the parameters are not supported or there is insufficient space to store all of your rules.

Confused, I searched Outlook Help for assistance. I found this:

The storage limit for your rules is 32 KB. If the total size of your rules exceeds this limit, some rules may be disabled. To reduce the size of your rules, do one or more of the following:

  • Delete rules you don’t need.
  • Combine rules when possible. For example, if more than one rule moves messages to the same folder, combine the rules.
  • Use a shorter name for your rules.
  • If one of your rules moves e-mail messages to a Personal Folders file (.pst), move the .pst file to a location that has a shorter path. For example, instead of using C:\Documents and Settings\user\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Outlook\MyFolder.pst, use C:\MyFolder.pst.

What?!

This is the stupidest thing I’ve read in a very long time.

I’m using the world’s more prevalent enterprise e-mail solution (Outlook/Exchange). My archived e-mail alone clocks up 1.03GB.

And I have to arse about changing the names of my rules, moving my archive folder somewhere with a shorter path, or – the most likely option – deleting rules and forgetting about adding new ones altogether… because Microsoft has allocated an arbitrary fixed limit for rules which is lower than the RAM of my 1982 ZX Spectrum?

Pathetic.

I gather, from searching online, that there’s no patch or workaround for this – at least not without installing third-party add-ons (and that’s never going to happen in a locked-down IT environment).

Thanks, Outlook 2003, for preventing me from properly streamlining my inbox and working more effectively. You suck.